Fill in the missing blanks 

______________: Leaps tall buildings in a single bound.  Is more powerful than a locomotive.  Faster than a speeding bullet.  Walks on water. Gives policy to God. 

______________: Leaps short buildings in a single bound.  Is more powerful than a shunting engine.  Is just as fast as a speeding bullet.  Walks on water if the sea is calm. Talks with God. 

_____________ : Leaps short buildings with a running start and favourable winds.  Is almost as powerful as a shunting engine.  Can shoot a speeding bullet.  Walks on water in an indoor swimming pool.  Talks with God if special request is approved. 

_____________ : Makes high marks on walls when trying to leap short buildings.  Is run over by locomotives.  Can sometimes handle a gun without inflicting self-injury.  Dog-paddles.  Talks to animals. 

_____________ : Runs into buildings.  Recognises locomotives two out of three times.  Is not issued with ammunition.  Can stay afloat with a life jacket.  Talks to walls. 

_____________ : Falls over doorsteps when trying to enter buildings.  Says " Look at the Choo Choo." Wets himself with a water pistol.  Plays in mud puddles.  Mumbles to himself. 

_____________ : Lifts buildings and walks under them.  Kicks locomotives off the tracks.  Catches speeding bullets in the teeth and eats them.  Freezes water with a single glance. She is God. 

An _____________ is a person who knows a very little about a great deal and keeps knowing less and less about more and more until he knows practically nothing about everything. 

An _____________ is a person who knows a great deal about very little and who goes along knowing more and more about less and less until he finally knows practically everything about nothing. 

An _____________  is a person who starts out knowing practically everything, but ends up knowing nothing about anything, due to his association with ____________ and ___________. 

A letter from Playgirl Inc. 

Dear Mr. _____________ 

Your name has been submitted to us with your photograph, and I regret to inform you that we will be unable to use your body in our centrefold.

On a scale of  0 - 10 your body was rated 2 by our panel of women ranging in age from 60 - 75 years.  We tried to assemble a panel in the 25 to 30 age bracket, but we could not stop them laughing long enough to reach a decision.

Should the taste of women ever change so drastically that bodies such as yours would be appreciated in our centrefold, you will be notified by this office.  In the meantime do not call us, we'll call you. 

                                                Sympathetically, 

                                                ______________

                                                                   Editor, 

PS:  We do commend your unusual pose.  Were you wounded in the war - or do you ride a bike a lot. 

The Chain Letter 

Dear Friend: 

          This chain letter was started by a woman like yourself in hopes of bringing relief to tired discontented women.

          Unlike most chain letters this one does not cost anything.  Just send a copy of this letter to five of your friends who are equally tired.  Then bundle up your husband and send him to the woman whose name is on top of the list.

          When your name comes to the top of the list, you will receive 16,478 men - some of whom should be dandies.

          Have faith!  Do not break the chain!  One woman broke the chain and got her own husband back. 

                                                                   Sincerely, 

                                                                   _____________ 

PS:  At the time of writing a friend of mine has received 183 men.  They buried her yesterday but it took three undertakers 36 hours to take the smile off her face.