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District 70, Northern Division, Area 32

Port Stephens - blue water paradise

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Items No.4 

                                    Stat!
Can you imagine working for a company that has a little more than 500 employees and has the following statistics:

*29 have been accused of spousal abuse
*7 have been arrested for fraud
*19 have been accused of writing bad checks
*117 have directly or indirectly bankrupted at least two businesses
*3 have done time for assault
*71 cannot get a credit card due to bad credit
*14 have been arrested on drug-related charges
*8 have been arrested for shoplifting
*21 are currently defendants in lawsuits
*84 have been arrested for drunk driving in the last year

Can you guess which organization this is? Give up yet?

Its the 535 members of the United States Congress. The same group of idiots that crank out hundreds of new laws each year designed to keep the rest of us in line.

__________________

 

 

And Pigs Might Fly

 

Another month ended

All systems working well

All targets met

All customers satisfied

All staff motivated and happy

All pigs fed and ready to fly

___________

 

 

Work like you don’t need the money.

Love like you’ve never been hurt.

Dance like nobody’s watching.

Sing like nobody’s listening.

Live like it’s Heaven on earth.

 

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Are you lonely?

Work on your own?

Hate having to make decisions?

 

Then hold a meeting!!!

 

You can get to see other people,

Sleep in peace, offload decisions,

Feel important and impress your boss and colleagues

And all in work time too!!

Meetings - the practical alternative to work.

 

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CHILDREN

 

Tired of being harassed by your stupid parents

 

ACT NOW

 

Move out, get a job, pay your own bills,

While you still know everything!!!

 

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Socialism

You have two cows and give one to your neighbour.

 

Communism

You have two cows: the government takes both and gives you the milk.

 

Fascism

You have two cows; the government takes both and sells you the milk.

 

Nazism

You have two cows; the government takes both and shoots you.

 

Bureaucratism

You have two cows; the government takes both; shoots one, milks the other and throws the milk away.

 

Capitalism

You have two cows; you sell one and buy a bull.

 

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Gobbledigook

 

This is a duplicate triplicate supplied on request and due to the apparent loss of the original triplicate. 

So that there will be no confusion as to which triplicate is the duplicate or, on the other hand, which duplicate is the original triplicate ( this could occur in the event of the original triplicate being found ) this copy is simply marked 'copy'.

 

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A woman who strives to be like a man lacks ambition.

 

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If you would be happy ......

For one hour, take a nap.

for a day, go fishing.

for a week, kill a pig and eat it.

for a month, get married.

for a year, inherit a fortune.

for life, love your work!


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