__________________

And Pigs Might Fly

Another month ended

All systems working well

All targets met

All customers satisfied

All staff motivated and happy

All pigs fed and ready to fly

___________

Work like you don’t need the money.

Love like you’ve never been hurt.

Dance like nobody’s watching.

Sing like nobody’s listening.

Live like it’s Heaven on earth.

__________

Are you lonely?

Work on your own?

Hate having to make decisions?

Then hold a meeting!!!

You can get to see other people,

Sleep in peace, offload decisions,

Feel important and impress your boss and colleagues

And all in work time too!!

Meetings - the practical alternative to work.

________

CHILDREN

Tired of being harassed by your stupid parents

ACT NOW

Move out, get a job, pay your own bills,

While you still know everything!!!

_______

Socialism

You have two cows and give one to your neighbour.

Communism

You have two cows: the government takes both and gives you the milk.

Fascism

You have two cows; the government takes both and sells you the milk.

Nazism

You have two cows; the government takes both and shoots you.

Bureaucratism

You have two cows; the government takes both; shoots one, milks the other and throws the milk away.

Capitalism

You have two cows; you sell one and buy a bull.

____________

Gobbledigook

This is a duplicate triplicate supplied on request and due to the apparent loss of the original triplicate. 

So that there will be no confusion as to which triplicate is the duplicate or, on the other hand, which duplicate is the original triplicate ( this could occur in the event of the original triplicate being found ) this copy is simply marked 'copy'.

___________

A woman who strives to be like a man lacks ambition.

___________

If you would be happy ......

For one hour, take a nap.

for a day, go fishing.

for a week, kill a pig and eat it.

for a month, get married.

for a year, inherit a fortune.

for life, love your work!