A wife is a female who:

1.  When she misses you badly - tries another shot!

2.  After years of marriage is still as pretty as ever, but it takes an hour longer.

3.  Thinks the perfect husband is married to her neighbour

4.  Meets her difficulties like a typical woman.  She blames them on her husband.

5.  Knows that marriage is a mutual partnership.  The mute is her husband.

6.  Cannot see the garage door at ten yards, but can see a blond hair on her husband’s lapel a mile away.

7.  During a quarrel becomes historical.  She rakes up the past.

8.  In a case of check-mate, is always checking her mate or        spending her mate’s cheques.

9.  Claims her husband is the head of the family.  He’s the one with  all the headaches.