A psychotherapist was having a roaring business since he started from scratch. So much so that he could now afford to have a proper shop banner advertising his wares. So he told a kid to paint the sign board for him & put it above his shop entrance.

But, instead of his business building up, it began to slacken. He had especially noticed the ladies shying away from his shop after reading the sign board. So he decided to check it out himself.

Then he understood why...

The boy found a small wooden board so he had split the word into the 3 words:

Psycho-
the-
rapist

In your Ear

A young couple was expecting a visit from the pastor of their church. They wanted everything to go smoothly, but their two year old son was just getting the hang of potty training.

He was at the stage where he would announce at the top of his voice, "I gotta pee," when he had to go to the bathroom.

His father, worried that this might be embarrassing when the minister came to call, instructed the child, "Don't shout that you've got to pee. Whisper!"

That evening the pastor makes his visit. He's there a very long time and the two year old is on one foot and the other.

Finally, the minister asks him, "What's the matter, son?"

The child looks at his dad and says, "I've gotta whisper!"

The Pastor answered, "It's all right, child. Whisper in my ear."

One Thing

I had parked my car in the supermarket parking lot and was walking past an empty cart when I heard a female voice say, "Mister, are you using that cart?"

"No," I answered. "I'm only after one thing."

As I walked toward the store, I heard her murmur, "Typical male."

Cool

An engineer was crossing a road one-day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent
over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again
and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I
will stay with you for one week." The engineer took the frog out of his
pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried out, "If  you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you and do
ANYTHING you want." Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, and that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?" The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."

You Idiot

A man speaks frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"

"Is this her first child?" the doctor asks.

"NO, you *idiot*!" the man shouts. "This is her husband!"

Diagnosis

The psychology instructor had just finished a lecture on mental health and was giving an oral test.

Speaking specifically about manic depression, she asked, "How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next?"

A young man raised his hand and answered, "A basketball coach?"

Indignant

A policeman pulls a man over for speeding and asks him to get out of the car. After looking the man over he says, "Sir, I couldn't help but notice your eyes are bloodshot. Have you been drinking?"

The man gets really indignant and says, "Officer, I couldn't help but notice your eyes are glazed. Have you been eating doughnuts?"

Alabama

Q. How do you know when your staying in an Alabama hotel?

A. When you call the front desk and say "I've gotta leak in my sink" and the person at the desk says "go ahead."

Gogas

Recently a guy in Paris nearly got away with stealing several paintings from the Louvre. However, after planning the crime, getting in and out past security, he was captured only 2 blocks away when his Econoline ran out of gas.

When asked how he could mastermind such a crime and then make such an obvious error, he replied:

"I had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh."

Be busy

A Bishop was approached one morning by a Priest.

"Your Eminence," the Priest said, "there's a young lad here who claims to be seeing a vision of our Savior in the chapel. What should I do ?"

The Bishop jumped up saying, "Well, I don't know about you, but I'm gonna look real busy !"

Texas Surgeons

Three Texas surgeons were having lunch together and discussing surgeries they had performed.  

One of them said, "I'm the best surgeon in Texas. A concert pianist lost 7  fingers in an accident, I reattached them and 8 months later he performed a private concert for the Queen of England."  

One of the others said. "That's nothing. A young man lost both arms and legs in a terrible accident, I reattached them and 2 years later he won 2 gold medals in field events in the Olympics."  

The third surgeon said, "You guys are amateurs. Several years ago a guy who was high on cocaine and alcohol rode a horse head-on into a train traveling 80 miles an hour. All I had left to work with was the horse's ass and a cowboy hat. He's now President of the United States." 

Surprise!

A man walks past a big wooden fence in front of the insane asylum and hears all the residents inside chanting, "Thirteen! Thirteen! Thirteen!" in unison.

Quite curious about this, he finds a hole in the fence, and looks in.

Immediately, someone on the inside pokes him in the eye.

Before the man could even react to the eye-poking, the people on the other side of the fence begin a monotone chant of...

"Fourteen! Fourteen! Fourteen!" 

Zipper

A woman was trying to board a bus, but her skirt was too tight and she couldn't step. She reached behind her and lowered the zipper a bit and tried again.

The skirt was still too tight. She reached behind he r and lowered the zipper some more.

She still couldn't get on the bus and lowered the zipper a third time. All of a sudden, she felt two hands on her butt, which proceeded to push her up onto the bus.

She spun around, with anger in her eyes and said very indignantly, "Sir, I do not know you well enough for you to behave in such a manner."

The man smiled coyly and said, "Lady, I don't know you well enough either for you to unzip my fly three times either!"